To the less handsome looking gentleman in this photograph, best of luck in your future flying, and here's hoping to seeing you with the coveted wings (I can't remember the young eagles thing already, hahaz sorry mate). Good hunting buddy, and try to keep your appetite too...20070416
Buddies
To the less handsome looking gentleman in this photograph, best of luck in your future flying, and here's hoping to seeing you with the coveted wings (I can't remember the young eagles thing already, hahaz sorry mate). Good hunting buddy, and try to keep your appetite too...
20070412
Auguries of Innocence
To see a world in a grain of sand
And a heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand
And eternity in an hour.
A robin redbreast in a cage
Puts all heaven in a rage.
A dove-house filled with doves and pigeons
Shudders hell through all its regions.
A dog starved at his master's gate
Predicts the ruin of the state.
A horse misused upon the road
Calls to heaven for human blood.
Each outcry of the hunted hare
A fibre from the brain does tear.
A skylark wounded in the wing,
A cherubim does cease to sing.
The game-cock clipped and armed for fight
Does the rising sun affright.
Every wolf's and lion's howl
Raises from hell a human soul.
The wild deer wandering here and there
Keeps the human soul from care.
The lamb misused breeds public strife,
And yet forgives the butcher's knife.
The bat that flits at close of eve
Has left the brain that won't believe.
The owl that calls upon the night
Speaks the unbeliever's fright.
He who shall hurt the little wren
Shall never be beloved by men.
He who the ox to wrath has moved
Shall never be by woman loved.
The wanton boy that kills the fly
Shall feel the spider's enmity.
He who torments the chafer's sprite
Weaves a bower in endless night.
The caterpillar on the leaf
Repeats to thee thy mother's grief.
Kill not the moth nor butterfly,
For the Last Judgment draweth nigh.
He who shall train the horse to war
Shall never pass the polar bar.
The beggar's dog and widow's cat,
Feed them, and thou wilt grow fat.
The gnat that sings his summer's song
Poison gets from Slander's tongue.
The poison of the snake and newt
Is the sweat of Envy's foot.
The poison of the honey-bee
Is the artist's jealousy.
The prince's robes and beggar's rags
Are toadstools on the miser's bags.
A truth that's told with bad intent
Beats all the lies you can invent.
It is right it should be so:
Man was made for joy and woe;
And when this we rightly know
Through the world we safely go.
Joy and woe are woven fine,
A clothing for the soul divine.
Under every grief and pine
Runs a joy with silken twine.
The babe is more than swaddling bands,
Throughout all these human lands;
Tools were made and born were hands,
Every farmer understands.
Every tear from every eye
Becomes a babe in eternity;
This is caught by females bright
And returned to its own delight.
The bleat, the bark, bellow, and roar
Are waves that beat on heaven's shore.
The babe that weeps the rod beneath
Writes Revenge! in realms of death.
The beggar's rags fluttering in air
Does to rags the heavens tear.
The soldier armed with sword and gun
Palsied strikes the summer's sun.
The poor man's farthing is worth more
Than all the gold on Afric's shore.
One mite wrung from the labourer's hands
Shall buy and sell the miser's lands,
Or if protected from on high
Does that whole nation sell and buy.
He who mocks the infant's faith
Shall be mocked in age and death.
He who shall teach the child to doubt
The rotting grave shall ne'er get out.
He who respects the infant's faith
Triumphs over hell and death.
The child's toys and the old man's reasons
Are the fruits of the two seasons.
The questioner who sits so sly
Shall never know how to reply.
He who replies to words of doubt
Doth put the light of knowledge out.
The strongest poison ever known
Came from Caesar's laurel crown.
Nought can deform the human race
Like to the armour's iron brace.
When gold and gems adorn the plough
To peaceful arts shall Envy bow.
A riddle or the cricket's cry
Is to doubt a fit reply.
The emmet's inch and eagle's mile
Make lame philosophy to smile.
He who doubts from what he sees
Will ne'er believe, do what you please.
If the sun and moon should doubt,
They'd immediately go out.
To be in a passion you good may do,
But no good if a passion is in you.
The whore and gambler, by the state
Licensed, build that nation's fate.
The harlot's cry from street to street
Shall weave old England's winding sheet.
The winner's shout, the loser's curse,
Dance before dead England's hearse.
Every night and every morn
Some to misery are born.
Every morn and every night
Some are born to sweet delight.
Some are born to sweet delight,
Some are born to endless night.
We are led to believe a lie
When we see not through the eye
Which was born in a night to perish in a night,
When the soul slept in beams of light.
God appears, and God is light
To those poor souls who dwell in night,
But does a human form display
To those who dwell in realms of day.
- WILLIAM BLAKE
And a heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand
And eternity in an hour.
A robin redbreast in a cage
Puts all heaven in a rage.
A dove-house filled with doves and pigeons
Shudders hell through all its regions.
A dog starved at his master's gate
Predicts the ruin of the state.
A horse misused upon the road
Calls to heaven for human blood.
Each outcry of the hunted hare
A fibre from the brain does tear.
A skylark wounded in the wing,
A cherubim does cease to sing.
The game-cock clipped and armed for fight
Does the rising sun affright.
Every wolf's and lion's howl
Raises from hell a human soul.
The wild deer wandering here and there
Keeps the human soul from care.
The lamb misused breeds public strife,
And yet forgives the butcher's knife.
The bat that flits at close of eve
Has left the brain that won't believe.
The owl that calls upon the night
Speaks the unbeliever's fright.
He who shall hurt the little wren
Shall never be beloved by men.
He who the ox to wrath has moved
Shall never be by woman loved.
The wanton boy that kills the fly
Shall feel the spider's enmity.
He who torments the chafer's sprite
Weaves a bower in endless night.
The caterpillar on the leaf
Repeats to thee thy mother's grief.
Kill not the moth nor butterfly,
For the Last Judgment draweth nigh.
He who shall train the horse to war
Shall never pass the polar bar.
The beggar's dog and widow's cat,
Feed them, and thou wilt grow fat.
The gnat that sings his summer's song
Poison gets from Slander's tongue.
The poison of the snake and newt
Is the sweat of Envy's foot.
The poison of the honey-bee
Is the artist's jealousy.
The prince's robes and beggar's rags
Are toadstools on the miser's bags.
A truth that's told with bad intent
Beats all the lies you can invent.
It is right it should be so:
Man was made for joy and woe;
And when this we rightly know
Through the world we safely go.
Joy and woe are woven fine,
A clothing for the soul divine.
Under every grief and pine
Runs a joy with silken twine.
The babe is more than swaddling bands,
Throughout all these human lands;
Tools were made and born were hands,
Every farmer understands.
Every tear from every eye
Becomes a babe in eternity;
This is caught by females bright
And returned to its own delight.
The bleat, the bark, bellow, and roar
Are waves that beat on heaven's shore.
The babe that weeps the rod beneath
Writes Revenge! in realms of death.
The beggar's rags fluttering in air
Does to rags the heavens tear.
The soldier armed with sword and gun
Palsied strikes the summer's sun.
The poor man's farthing is worth more
Than all the gold on Afric's shore.
One mite wrung from the labourer's hands
Shall buy and sell the miser's lands,
Or if protected from on high
Does that whole nation sell and buy.
He who mocks the infant's faith
Shall be mocked in age and death.
He who shall teach the child to doubt
The rotting grave shall ne'er get out.
He who respects the infant's faith
Triumphs over hell and death.
The child's toys and the old man's reasons
Are the fruits of the two seasons.
The questioner who sits so sly
Shall never know how to reply.
He who replies to words of doubt
Doth put the light of knowledge out.
The strongest poison ever known
Came from Caesar's laurel crown.
Nought can deform the human race
Like to the armour's iron brace.
When gold and gems adorn the plough
To peaceful arts shall Envy bow.
A riddle or the cricket's cry
Is to doubt a fit reply.
The emmet's inch and eagle's mile
Make lame philosophy to smile.
He who doubts from what he sees
Will ne'er believe, do what you please.
If the sun and moon should doubt,
They'd immediately go out.
To be in a passion you good may do,
But no good if a passion is in you.
The whore and gambler, by the state
Licensed, build that nation's fate.
The harlot's cry from street to street
Shall weave old England's winding sheet.
The winner's shout, the loser's curse,
Dance before dead England's hearse.
Every night and every morn
Some to misery are born.
Every morn and every night
Some are born to sweet delight.
Some are born to sweet delight,
Some are born to endless night.
We are led to believe a lie
When we see not through the eye
Which was born in a night to perish in a night,
When the soul slept in beams of light.
God appears, and God is light
To those poor souls who dwell in night,
But does a human form display
To those who dwell in realms of day.
- WILLIAM BLAKE
20070321
Burrows Syndrome
Have been catching up on serials I missed while I was away, rented season 1 of Prison Break, which is entertaining in a highly unplausible yet wildly exciting kind of way. Feel a bit like Lincoln Burrows though, like on death row awaiting for the seat, but having hope of escape torturing him throughout. Alas, today is my day though, at least it ends today, and I can stop hoping. Let the DC flow, all 10000 volts of it.
Don
Don
20070319
The Torment of Hope
It's one of those days. And I'm starting to feel like these kind of days are getting a whole lot more common, especially with so much down-time now I am having now. I was MSN-ing with a course-mate who's down under, talking about how things are going down at the squadron, how his first solo was so shit-hot and the course feeling under the weather and all, then the feeling hits me. I know how stressful and crappy things can get when you're there, how the days seem to last forever when you're suffering. And I wish I was with him. Still.
I failed. I thought I had come to accept that fact, adjusted to go on with my life. I planned, charting out a course for which I can take outside of the Air Force, seeing a life ahead without the military in my life. I enjoyed, eating every damn thing I missed in Australia for which I have every chance now to gorge myself with, going out with friends and trying to have a good time with my girlfriend. I looked past my mistakes, past the last shitty sortie I had, putting away the dress blues and peak cap, returning every damn bit of flying equipment back to where they came from. And still I look back. And stare.
It's like I never left. I sleep most nights, late as I can trying to tire myself, so I don't end up dreaming so much, and still I see it. The operations board, the planning room, the safety equipment room, the aircraft, the cockpit. That view from 1000 feet. I wake up, thinking I woke up too late and looking for my flight boots, then I see the view outside my window, and realise it's not the Officers' Mess Annexe I'm looking down at, but Redhill Market. The checks, the R/T, the QFI's voice is still with me. I remember every word.
I've done my clearance, but I haven't had my closure. Maybe signing the contract termination will do it for me, but then it's not till FTS gets the thing together for me to sign. I still have to wait. Life goes on, but painfully slow. I want to forget, move on, but time doesn't want to move any faster or heal any better for me. I want to carry on, but then I haven't ORD. I want to stop flying, but I still have another chance for the commercial route. I want to live my next phase, but it's not here yet. I want to say I quit, but hope doesn't let me. I know it's only a matter of time, but the question of when is eating at me, and somehow, not knowing only makes one think too much, hope too much.
Read somewhere before, some book somewhere, Woman Warrior or something like that, my Lit text, that normal people move on and say different things. They tell different stories. But crazy people tell the same story over and over again. They never stop. Because they hold onto something so stubbornly, they let go of their sanity. Let me let go, please.
Don
I failed. I thought I had come to accept that fact, adjusted to go on with my life. I planned, charting out a course for which I can take outside of the Air Force, seeing a life ahead without the military in my life. I enjoyed, eating every damn thing I missed in Australia for which I have every chance now to gorge myself with, going out with friends and trying to have a good time with my girlfriend. I looked past my mistakes, past the last shitty sortie I had, putting away the dress blues and peak cap, returning every damn bit of flying equipment back to where they came from. And still I look back. And stare.
It's like I never left. I sleep most nights, late as I can trying to tire myself, so I don't end up dreaming so much, and still I see it. The operations board, the planning room, the safety equipment room, the aircraft, the cockpit. That view from 1000 feet. I wake up, thinking I woke up too late and looking for my flight boots, then I see the view outside my window, and realise it's not the Officers' Mess Annexe I'm looking down at, but Redhill Market. The checks, the R/T, the QFI's voice is still with me. I remember every word.
I've done my clearance, but I haven't had my closure. Maybe signing the contract termination will do it for me, but then it's not till FTS gets the thing together for me to sign. I still have to wait. Life goes on, but painfully slow. I want to forget, move on, but time doesn't want to move any faster or heal any better for me. I want to carry on, but then I haven't ORD. I want to stop flying, but I still have another chance for the commercial route. I want to live my next phase, but it's not here yet. I want to say I quit, but hope doesn't let me. I know it's only a matter of time, but the question of when is eating at me, and somehow, not knowing only makes one think too much, hope too much.
Read somewhere before, some book somewhere, Woman Warrior or something like that, my Lit text, that normal people move on and say different things. They tell different stories. But crazy people tell the same story over and over again. They never stop. Because they hold onto something so stubbornly, they let go of their sanity. Let me let go, please.
Don
20070228
Because I Fly
Because I fly,
I laugh more than other men
I look up
And see more than they.
I know how clouds feel
What it's like to have the blue
In my lap.
To look down
On birds
To feel freedom in a thing called the stick
Who but I Can slice between God's billow-legs
And feel them laugh and crash with His step?
Who else has seen the unclimbed peaks?
The rainbow's secret?
The real reason birds sing?
Because I fly
I envy no man on earth.
20070101
Welcome back to the suck
Someone has been watching too much Jarhead. That's the first thing my friend said to me as I stepped back onto base, back from 10 days home leave. But then again, can't blame him, he had to cover all the duties over here while we were home. He was working while I was partying away Christmas, out with my girlfriend, or simply spending time with the family. Kudos to the men and women who serve while we enjoy this festive season.
I'm back in the suck, and yes, it feels exactly as it sounds. Been here 4 days and I'm bored beyond comprehension. Need to pick up the tempo again, but there's no tempo to pick up until the base reopens. It's a dead town here, no one here except the few of us who have to man the skeleton crew. No one wants to do it, but there's no one else to do it, which leaves us.
Happy new year to all, ain't that merry for us watching the frontier here, but hell, here's to hoping the year isn't half as bad as how it began for me. For one, let this be the year where I get my half-wings. Whole lot of things left unresolved in the last year, but maybe it's the time now for things to get tied up. Or cut off. Either way, resolved is the end result.
Life hasn't been rosy or treating me well, but I won't forget the small graces it shows me. Didn't manage to do as much as I wanted when I was back in Singapore, but now, it doesn't matter anymore. 10 days may be way too short, but hey, I wasn't supposed to be back this December anyway. Kind of wished I didn't go home, now it only makes me feel more homesick. Let time heal these wounds, and work drown those memories. I still have something to accomplish here. I still hope I do.
Don
I'm back in the suck, and yes, it feels exactly as it sounds. Been here 4 days and I'm bored beyond comprehension. Need to pick up the tempo again, but there's no tempo to pick up until the base reopens. It's a dead town here, no one here except the few of us who have to man the skeleton crew. No one wants to do it, but there's no one else to do it, which leaves us.
Happy new year to all, ain't that merry for us watching the frontier here, but hell, here's to hoping the year isn't half as bad as how it began for me. For one, let this be the year where I get my half-wings. Whole lot of things left unresolved in the last year, but maybe it's the time now for things to get tied up. Or cut off. Either way, resolved is the end result.
Life hasn't been rosy or treating me well, but I won't forget the small graces it shows me. Didn't manage to do as much as I wanted when I was back in Singapore, but now, it doesn't matter anymore. 10 days may be way too short, but hey, I wasn't supposed to be back this December anyway. Kind of wished I didn't go home, now it only makes me feel more homesick. Let time heal these wounds, and work drown those memories. I still have something to accomplish here. I still hope I do.
Don
20061221
Terra Firma
On familiar ground once again, even for just a short while. Cleared my review sorties and my subsequent prog cx again, with the same instructor who failed me the first time round. It was such a relief to get over this hurdle, albeit a small one. Circuit work ahead, and that's the major obstacle. I'm going to be expected to land the aircraft myself within 6 sorties, 6 hours of flying and I'm expected to be able to land by myself. Tall order, but then again, this is my life. Make the cut, or get the chop.
Came home yesterday, flew through all that weather and witnessed superior skills by the SQ pilot who had to navigate and land through the tropical thunderstorm yesterday. Cloud cover was present and at several flight levels, going as low as A030 I think. It was cats and dogs as he came in on the runway, with extra speed to counter the headwind I guess. He put her down fast, was a greaser landing, so smooth I didn't feel the touchdown, then pushed out the brakes fast. Impressive landing, here's to hoping I can do as I've witnessed.
Home now, all I can do over the next 10 days is catch up on food, life and love. I'm always working against the 4th dimension, time, in my line of work. Even having a break means having to put it to a timetable. Just hope to enjoy Christmas as it should be, with loved ones and a hearty meal. Let us enjoy the audacity of hope for a while longer, and see how far it brings us.
Don
20061210
Prog Cx
It's hard to face failure. I'm not ready to go home, don't know what I'll do if I can't make it as a pilot. How can one accept that his one dream in life is not something he can achieve? It's like in that scene in Serenity, when the Operative has seen the truth behind the Alliance, found out the conspiracy behind the Miranda massacre, seen that his 'world without sin' is but a living nightmare, and his famous last words to Malcolm,"There is nothing left to see". A man without a dream, without the one thing which keeps him wanting to breathe, from one moment to the next, has nothing left. He is nothing.
Failing my check ride brought that image in my mind, it's like having front row seats to my own funeral. Knowing how screwed up I was when I was up in the air, making the mistakes that even rookies wouldn't, I don't know what the hell I was doing here. I had gone up more than enough times, practiced my sortie both on and off the ground, and still I was making the errors that I had done previously. What was I thinking? Worse still, my first review flight went worse than my test, and I think the senior instructor who took me was stretching his vocabulary trying to find euphemisms to soften the blow to me. But it didn't take away the truth that I screwed up again, and worse than before.
My next review is on Monday, and this one is make or break. Shape up, or ship out. Everyone's trying to help me out, including the instructors, but it still boils down to me. Because I am in control of the aircraft, and I must fly her. I will, or I will come home. Then again, where is home when there is no longer any heart, no longer any man left.
A man needs no home when he has nothing left.
Failing my check ride brought that image in my mind, it's like having front row seats to my own funeral. Knowing how screwed up I was when I was up in the air, making the mistakes that even rookies wouldn't, I don't know what the hell I was doing here. I had gone up more than enough times, practiced my sortie both on and off the ground, and still I was making the errors that I had done previously. What was I thinking? Worse still, my first review flight went worse than my test, and I think the senior instructor who took me was stretching his vocabulary trying to find euphemisms to soften the blow to me. But it didn't take away the truth that I screwed up again, and worse than before.
My next review is on Monday, and this one is make or break. Shape up, or ship out. Everyone's trying to help me out, including the instructors, but it still boils down to me. Because I am in control of the aircraft, and I must fly her. I will, or I will come home. Then again, where is home when there is no longer any heart, no longer any man left.
A man needs no home when he has nothing left.
20061130
Desk of a pilot trainee
Laptop for entertainment in a world without TV, pictures of my other love, BOLDFACE actions to ensure I don't stare blankly at Death when he comes for me, cockpit mock-up to mental fly with, study guide and flight manual. And a picture to remind me why I'm here, lest we forget...
Don
20061123
cheesy neoprints
I got a C for my essay :( so sad. today is a sad day :''''''(
And i missed you a lot today.
So i went to scan our neoprints.
And i missed you a lot today.
So i went to scan our neoprints.
Ta daa~! so cheesy right hahas. aiya. don't care.
:)
Jinling
20061122
Break-neck
Consecutive day sorties, duties which stretch from before the sun rises, till after the sun sets (FYI, sun rises at 0500 and sets at 1900 here in Australia), and insufficient coffee. Things aren't slowing down for base closure, they're speeding up. I have to catch up with the pace, otherwise mistakes will be made. And in my world, Murphy isn't very tolerant with those who make mistakes. Those who go 10000 ft in the air tend to end up more than 6 ft under when Murphy strikes. Need to work, to study, need coffee and a bit of love.
Don
Don
20061116
News Flash
Hellohellohello.
Brandon says he'll be back from 19th-29th december! yay! now is the time to extort him of meals!
Muahaha.
Oi brandon, remember your challenge k. heehee.
Boredly,
I Am Not Stressing You
Brandon says he'll be back from 19th-29th december! yay! now is the time to extort him of meals!
Muahaha.
Oi brandon, remember your challenge k. heehee.
Boredly,
I Am Not Stressing You
20061106
Missing home
It's hard, to be away from everything you've known and been with for over 20 years. 1 month in Tamworth was a long time, but 10-12 months here totally makes it a whole new ball game. I miss my bed, my room, the food, the friends, my mum's, sis's, dad's and even my own 21st birthday. I missed our anniversary, I will miss many more days with you, i miss going out with you, holding you, seeing you giggle and laugh and smile and showing farnie faces. I miss home.
But I come here with a mission, a goal in mind. It's a dream to fulfill, something lifelong that I told you since our first 3 months in AJC. It's something which is so much a part of me, that I'm willing to get away from everything I love, just to come here and suffer long days, sleepless nights, endless duties, tears, sweat and blood. This venture was never going to be easy, I acknowledged that, but things could be done to ensure it doesn't get any harder then it already is.
I sacrificed everything for this one shot, to fulfill a dream. It means everything to me, to see through what I sought when I put my name on the dotted line a year ago. I don't know if you ever fully understood what this means to me, but now I'll make it clear. This is me, and I intend to invest the whole of my being to becoming a pilot.
I explained in the beginning of our relationship what this means, but now I hope you recall what I said then. I love you, and I just hope you can see it the way I do.
Brandon
But I come here with a mission, a goal in mind. It's a dream to fulfill, something lifelong that I told you since our first 3 months in AJC. It's something which is so much a part of me, that I'm willing to get away from everything I love, just to come here and suffer long days, sleepless nights, endless duties, tears, sweat and blood. This venture was never going to be easy, I acknowledged that, but things could be done to ensure it doesn't get any harder then it already is.
I sacrificed everything for this one shot, to fulfill a dream. It means everything to me, to see through what I sought when I put my name on the dotted line a year ago. I don't know if you ever fully understood what this means to me, but now I'll make it clear. This is me, and I intend to invest the whole of my being to becoming a pilot.
I explained in the beginning of our relationship what this means, but now I hope you recall what I said then. I love you, and I just hope you can see it the way I do.
Brandon
20061102
A video of beautiful girls dressed scantily
Hello amomentforeternity,
You are getting boring cos your owner seldom write anything in you. so lemme feed you with a sexy video of beautiful girls dressed scantily.
Hmmph ok fine. maybe it's not exactly what you expected. it was just one of my rehearsals. but whatever. i think we're chio. spot me!! i'm one of the first 4 girls. and i'm not FAT muahahaha if you get what i mean.
Love,
So I Think I Can Dance
You are getting boring cos your owner seldom write anything in you. so lemme feed you with a sexy video of beautiful girls dressed scantily.
Hmmph ok fine. maybe it's not exactly what you expected. it was just one of my rehearsals. but whatever. i think we're chio. spot me!! i'm one of the first 4 girls. and i'm not FAT muahahaha if you get what i mean.
Love,
So I Think I Can Dance
20061031
100 kts, rotate...
T/O done, still alive in Pearce. Moved in newer blocks here, now have limited capacity internet. Resorting to short updates, coz of time and bandwidth, I'm doing almost 1 flight a day. Tomorrow have another GH, so I got to prepare. First flight was stressful, but fun as hell, nothing on this earth can prepare you for a takeoff in a jet. WAY COOL. Will upload picts as i can, till then, lots of love. muacks to love, thanx for keeping ppl updated...
Don
Don
20061001
where is dondon?
Hi everyone! brandon is too busy to blog now. he has left for Perth. so please don't call or sms to his handphone number anymore till further notice... unless if it's an emergency! or if you're willing to pay like.... err... high phone bills. meanwhile, flood his email inbox instead! or nudge him forever on msn!
Love,
I Am A Busybody
Love,
I Am A Busybody
20060922
20060826
20060809
Post mortem
I am human. As any other living, breathing person here on Earth, I am entitled to my own personal character. I may often be mild-mannered and have a cool disposition, but that does not mean I cannot become fiery at times. As like any other, I possess a temper, which I choose to control most times, but not all. Sometimes I lose it, but then again, is it not human to lose your temper at times? My temper may not show itself often, but that does not mean it is absent.
I make assumptions, but name me one person who doesn’t. Who wouldn’t assume that your own heart would carry on beating the next moment? Or that night will not follow after day? I make assumptions based on valid observations, or so I hope they are. If I don’t, then how am I supposed to carry on living in a world where nothing can be certain, or close to certainty? However, assumptions are one thing. Insinuation is another. One is something which one makes after observation, the other is implied by others already, in what they may say. It is because of this I watch the words I say, letting them pass by my gray matter before they leave my mouth.
But then again, I am only human. I get tired. My mind becomes lazy, it lets things get by. Things slip off my tongue, accidental but nonetheless still wrong. I make mistakes. But the apology exists for this reason. Because we would definitely make mistakes in our lifetime, the word ‘sorry’ exists for us to use it, and gives us another chance to correct the wrong. I have apologized many times in my lifetime, and though it may be a difficult word to use at times, I would use it if it was warranted. If it was warranted.
I have certain ways to deal with people. I love my friends with words, I treat all others with silence. Sometimes silence is better. With those you don’t know, it allows you to listen better to what they have to say. With those you may disagree with, it allows both parties to think clearer, and make for better conversation later. For those you hate, sometimes silence is a whole lot less vulgar. Whatever the case, silence lets us think about what was said before, and what needs to be said after.
When I am silent, I am thinking. I am trying to understand. I am certainly not slacking. There is a reason why I like silence, it allows me my own space sometimes. To space out my thoughts, let them run their course. Like in the book “Tuesdays with Morrie”, I don’t understand why people must fill the air with words. What’s wrong with silence sometimes? When two people are tired and having a bad day, wouldn’t it be worse to have both parties talking? Words which don’t carry what they mean get passed around, and worse still, tempers fly. Often over the simplest and most stupid issues we can find, which shouldn’t have surfaced anyway.
I am having a lousy week. It may not be worse than yours, and definitely does not compare to the Israeli soldier having to storm an enemy-occupied house or the Lebanese who just had his home shelled. But comparison does not make anything better. It never does. If it’s bad, it’s bad. Right now, I don’t feel like hearing another word. I don’t want to apologise. I cannot tolerate the slightest mistake. My temper is on a short leash. I want to have my OWN time. And you can’t do anything about it, why?
Because I’m simply being human. And since it takes one to know one, the only thing you can do for me? Understand, and empathise.
I am human, so are you. Let’s start acting like so.
I make assumptions, but name me one person who doesn’t. Who wouldn’t assume that your own heart would carry on beating the next moment? Or that night will not follow after day? I make assumptions based on valid observations, or so I hope they are. If I don’t, then how am I supposed to carry on living in a world where nothing can be certain, or close to certainty? However, assumptions are one thing. Insinuation is another. One is something which one makes after observation, the other is implied by others already, in what they may say. It is because of this I watch the words I say, letting them pass by my gray matter before they leave my mouth.
But then again, I am only human. I get tired. My mind becomes lazy, it lets things get by. Things slip off my tongue, accidental but nonetheless still wrong. I make mistakes. But the apology exists for this reason. Because we would definitely make mistakes in our lifetime, the word ‘sorry’ exists for us to use it, and gives us another chance to correct the wrong. I have apologized many times in my lifetime, and though it may be a difficult word to use at times, I would use it if it was warranted. If it was warranted.
I have certain ways to deal with people. I love my friends with words, I treat all others with silence. Sometimes silence is better. With those you don’t know, it allows you to listen better to what they have to say. With those you may disagree with, it allows both parties to think clearer, and make for better conversation later. For those you hate, sometimes silence is a whole lot less vulgar. Whatever the case, silence lets us think about what was said before, and what needs to be said after.
When I am silent, I am thinking. I am trying to understand. I am certainly not slacking. There is a reason why I like silence, it allows me my own space sometimes. To space out my thoughts, let them run their course. Like in the book “Tuesdays with Morrie”, I don’t understand why people must fill the air with words. What’s wrong with silence sometimes? When two people are tired and having a bad day, wouldn’t it be worse to have both parties talking? Words which don’t carry what they mean get passed around, and worse still, tempers fly. Often over the simplest and most stupid issues we can find, which shouldn’t have surfaced anyway.
I am having a lousy week. It may not be worse than yours, and definitely does not compare to the Israeli soldier having to storm an enemy-occupied house or the Lebanese who just had his home shelled. But comparison does not make anything better. It never does. If it’s bad, it’s bad. Right now, I don’t feel like hearing another word. I don’t want to apologise. I cannot tolerate the slightest mistake. My temper is on a short leash. I want to have my OWN time. And you can’t do anything about it, why?
Because I’m simply being human. And since it takes one to know one, the only thing you can do for me? Understand, and empathise.
I am human, so are you. Let’s start acting like so.
20060729
What it takes
Seeing the images of war in Lebanon is a disturbing reminder of what can happen when we let things slide, sooner or later it gets out of hand and we get a catastrophe on our hands. The catalyst for the current war was a single soldier, now I don't think anybody even remembers his name already. The army has focused its crosshairs on Hezbollah, and will only stop with its complete annihilation. Or so we hope.
What does it take to end a conflict like that? Is it doomed to be a perpetual cycle of hate? All we hear everyday is another escalation, more people hurt, more blood spilled. Rockets bombard Northern Israel, or suicide bombers hit another market or bus or crowded street. Then Israel responds with bombings, and tanks roll into another town. While all this is happening, the UN sits in a meeting debating mere words to reach an agreement to send a peacekeeping force in.
I did a project on the cycle of violence in the Middle East in JC, think I got a B for it because none of those grading it could ever give a project on this subject an A. We see the violence and it makes our stomach turn. When both sides are right and wrong at the same time, who can we support? What would begin as a war to ensure the right to live, would end as a battle of those who are left behind from that war. If this cycle carries on, the inevitable last stroke would occur. That last escalation, which would mean unprecedented destruction. Who would make that last escalation? It doesn't matter, because nobody would be around to debate that anymore.
What can we do with such a dire situation in the Middle East? I no longer think anything can be done, we can only sit back and watch as basic humanity and rationality ends, while politics and irrational hate takes over.
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