Time will tell

It's going to be another 3 weeks or so before I leave for airgrading, guess that leaves me with what mog describes as the "long goodbye". Maybe I shouldn't be so sentimental about the departure, it is only going to be a month away for me. But I can't help but feel the finality of it. And what the trip entails, like the rest of my life, just makes me feel more apprehensive about it.

I used to dream about flying in a jet, ala Top Gun and all the cool fighter jet shows of the 90s. And seeing those space shuttle launches made me even more starry eyed, wondering if I'd ever get the chance to fly and then soar to the heavens. It's those dreams that make me who I am today, a pilot trainee now drumming his fingers in anticipation of the coming test, whether I get to be a fighter pilot and maybe even more.

But like I told those interviewers at Air Force recruitment, I grew up, and now I wonder how much of that starry eyed boy I still have in me. In the years of RI and RJC, I saw how much was needed to be done on the ground, and my wings fall away. I saw the need for 'boots on the ground' in so many situations, where all people needed for some hope was the soldier who was willing to put his live on the line for others. I felt selfish, to dream of being able to fly, without giving this same hope to children who could not ensure their own life beyond their next meal. Wearing a blue beret and enforcing order in chaos seemed a right thing to me then, even now.

Which leaves me in my dilemma now, which do I hold more dear? I need to give my best, but which one demands my effort? It's a feeling one should never have to feel, being torn over what to love more. I guess only time will tell me the answer. Sooner or later. Time will tell.

Don